Joaquin Phoenix is currently starring in a documentary shot by Casey Affleck concerning the actor's "lost year" spent pursuing a music career. Mr. Phoenix is going on an extensive tour to promote the film, which means he just might be appearing on your talk show sometime soon. Here are some tips to handling this superstar:
- Repeatedly yank on his beard and make train whistle sounds.
- Ask him, "So what was it like working with Corey Feldman and Wil Wheaton? You know that's one of my favorite movies? Man, that must have rocked!"
- Wet a napkin with your tongue and try to wipe that mark off his upper lip.
- Make sure you pronounce his first name correctly. It's "JEFF-rey," not "Jeff-REY."
- Tell him, "I hear someone defecates on your chest in your new documentary. Now, it just so happens I've drank a bottle of linseed oil..."
