In the words of a song I like... (Part II)

When I don't have the words at my disposal, the best verse our civilization has to offer does a better job for me.

COWORKER: I'm thinking of heading to Monterey Bay for vacation.
OTHER COWORKER: My husband is taking me to Rio.
COWORKER (to me) Where are you going?
ME: In the words of Ray Charles, "Georgia...Georgia..."
COWORKER: Really?
ME: Well, no. Detroit. But still, it's a good song.

COWORKER: Man, your office is depressing. No pictures. No decorations. It's ugly in here.
ME: In the words of Nietzche, "When you look into the abyss..."
COWORKER: "...the abyss looks back into you."
ME: (annoyed stare)
COWORKER: What? You think you're the only person in the world who knows that line?
ME: (muttering under breath) I'm glad I put your cell phone down my underwear.
COWORKER: What?
ME: What? I didn't say anything. You must hear things because you're stupid.

KIM: Are you ready to go?
ME: I've been ready for twenty minutes. Are you ready?
KIM: In a minute. I just have to find my shoes. And purse and keys and other pair of shoes because I just decided I'm not wearing these shoes after all...
ME: In the words of the Black Keys, "I got a love that keeps me waiting."
KIM: Did you...did you just open a beer?
ME: No. I just opened another beer.

ME: Think of your writing as monetary. You want to get the most bang for your buck.
KID: Right. Bang.
ME: In the words of Blakroc, "If it don't make dollaz, it don't make sense."
KID: Can I go get a drink of water?
ME: In the words of Blakroc, "Hey yo king, two more ice packs comin'."
STUDENT: (confused stare)
ME: Get out of here, kid.

KID: I don't think Question 22 on the quiz was fair.
ME: In the words of Lily Allen, "It's Not Fair."
OTHER KID: (panicked) Ow! Ow! I think I got something in my eye! Can I go to the bathroom to wash it off?
ME: In the words of LMFAO, "Yeah."
(Class erupts in pandemonium, cancelled for rest of day)

In the words of a song I like, you're wrong

Throughout the year, when working with colleagues, debating politics, or even paddling the waters of domestic bliss, I have had to resort to the best of what's been sung by the best musicians in order to embellish my points and win the occasional argument. I took the trouble to keep a log. I'm very sorry for taking time away from your game of Angry Birds. But it had to be said.

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TEAM LEADER: Look, we're all stressed out about this new project. But it's a work in process, right?
ME: In the words of Seventh Heaven, "It's better this way."
TEAM: (Long pause, bewildered stare)
ME: I'll leave you all with that thought.

BETH: (hands me stack of handouts) Here. Take the ones you need and leave me the rest.
ME: (after finishing count) In the words of the Black Keys, "I got mine."
BETH: (blank stare)
ME: I'll leave you to ponder the implications of that quote.

KIM: THIS IPOD IS GREAT! WITH THESE HEADPHONES I CAN LEARN NEW MUSIC WHEREVER I GO!
ME: In the words of Tupac Shakur, "Holla if you hear me, yeah..."
KIM: What? What did you say?
ME: I said, "Holla if you--"
KIM: WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

YOULA: I want those copies run off first thing tomorrow morning.
ME: In the words of Ella Fitzgerald, "I can't give you anything but love...baby..."
YOULA: (taps foot, stares at me evenly)
ME: (sheepishly) Yes ma'am.

TSO: Your comments about the Republican primary have some merit, but I think you need to consider the whole issue through the lens of true free market theory, not the quasi-model espoused by the neoconservatives.
ME: In the words of Kelly Osbourne, "Shut up."
TSO: Yes, well...
ME: (victory dance, miming of spiking a football, crotch-grab)