Conversations with an Atheist--Part Two

Setting: Internet, via Facebook messages

ATHEIST: I'm copying a chapter of Richard Dawkins for you.

ME: Well I can copy a chapter of the Bible just as easily. "The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose. An evil soul producing holy witness is like a villain with a smiling cheek." Merchant of Venice.

ATHEIST: "The fact that we can neither prove nor disprove the existence of something does not put existence and non-existence on an even footing." Dawkins.

ME: "There are known knowns; there are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns; that is to say, there are things that we now know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns; there are things we do not know we don’t know." Donald Rumsfeld.

ATHEIST: “I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.” Dawkins.

ME: "Zero." Number of books you can cite besides Dawkins'.

ATHEIST: "Zero." Number of girls who find you attractive.

ME: "One." Number of tails you have that I swore I wouldn't bring up again.

ATHEIST: (breaks off communique, cries self to sleep)

Conversations with an Atheist--Part One

Setting: Crowded bar. Table in back.

ME: So why do you believe in nothing?

ATHEIST: Because I reject what I cannot prove.

ME: But you can't prove it can't be proven, right?

ATHEIST: I go by science, logic and reasoning.

ME: But science doesn't "prove" anything either. It only suggests.

ATHEIST: But the majority of people define science as "proof." Just like the majority of people define agnosticism as "a one-in-two chance God exists."

ME: What? That's stupid.

ATHEIST: It's what the majority believe. I have to take that into account.

ME: Well the majority believe in some form of God too.

ATHEIST: Okay, at this table, I grant you that... (furtive look around; quiet whisper) Like to come back to my place?

ME: ...Yeah, all right.

Exit, hand-in-hand